valuing talents

i read a really good article about valuing talents yesterday. so good i'm goinog to scan it and send it to pilates instructor extraordinaire (not that she needs it - but we had a phone conversation about it). this woman had a lot of tips about valuing talents.
i'm a big believer in this.
but,
changing subjects
I WANT TO get my thoughts on paper and published.
SARK said she was 35 when she was first published.
i've been self-published (my tunes).
i feel that i'm ready to get these writing publishes.
deep breath in
deep breath out
life is good.

my juicer is amazing

seriously
my juicer is amazing
it was recommended by martha stewart
breville
juicer
rulz
today
i made celery, apple, ginger, kiwi, etc

google news'd bipolar

i google news'd bipolar today. i'm beginning to realize it's great when i'm well and healthy. but, when i'm unhealthy it's BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYATCH and a half. i want, want, want to be healthy. i want to have harmony in my mind, body spirit.
in
my being
i want healthiness
i don't want to rub people the wrong way.
i want my other half
he
is
so
very
lovely
i'm in love with him
i love hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

goals

my goal this week
is
to
have
no goals

mp lovin em

i want toread to fill up my eco-system
i want to read
read read
be inspired
be pinspired
feel myself heal
get better
heal

oh kristi oh kristi

oh kristi oh kristi
so sorry
sorry doesn't sum up your loss
i am your friend of over a decade now
you can cry on my shoulders
cry oceans
the tears will dry up
and we can make
french fries with the salt

the beauty of you

oh how beautiful are you
you find wonder in the wind hitting
the battered sheets we put up on the balcony
oh your wonder
your beautiful openness to this
world
yes
this world
not the world we want
not the world we had
but
THIS world
oh the beauty you see in the
simplest
things
oh
you are SO doing a great job at being a human
you are doing it
girl
you are going it
wonderfully
spectacularly
unbelievably
unabashedly
beautifully
being
you
precious
girl

public morning pages

i don't know if making my mornin gpages public makes a difference or not. but, i could always put it somehwere else. i guess it matterrs. who knows? not gonna over think it. i have come to the realization that snuggles has WAY too many toys. we need to gift some, return some, or re-sell some. who knows? huh?















other half was totally right
she has too many toys
i'm looking forward to pilates calling me soon. she said five moniutes but i never take people as literally as i used too. look that radio needs batteries i am dusting the inside of the heater
wow that thing is CRAZY
washing the draperies and
du
h
duh duh
duh
moving the bed to take care of matters underneather there
slowly but surely the wiundows
for the balcony are looking up
i don't kthink i ewashed them in ages
ages
ages
ages
ya know?
life is mysterious
especailly with a mental illness
so much is invisible
so much
doesn't make them




still makes them real is waht i'm tryign to get to what's gcool about mroning pages is that there is no editing no making it perfect aqctually theno punctuation if iso feel like i tt hings are good i'd like to write a thank you note for the tibetans i inkwo there address won't be hard but their last name i could lloook it iup on tibetan radio
cool
might be bccoool

mp for this day

watching snuggles as she puts puzzle pices back in her container. it's really really cute. i start to worry about socialization and then feel
much more grateful
for her safety
her happiness
her ability to breathe
and be
snuggles
she's sucking a pacifer like the simpsons character? lisa? no
what's the baby's name/
cannot remember
snuggles has baeautiful eyes
beautiful
so healthy
so wonderful
so exactly what we hoped and prayed for
we love you

reach farther

reach farther than you can reach
because there is more of you there
you just have to reach farther
dare dare dare
reach
farther
damnit

cookies

i learned how to delete cookies today. how to give my snuggles attention b/c the docgtor pointed out when the doctor talked to her she stopped crying. i love my snuggles.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooh.
if only everybody could receive and give love like this/
promise
you
this would be a different world
here goes a poem:
love
the reason to breathe
real true living breathing love
the reason to accept
the reason to look at the sunrise different
the sunset
to feel true
love
is the greatest commomodity
in. this. world.
if ever your heart is broken
congratulate yourself for having it open
and re-open
re-open
re-open
the heart is made to be open
dahling
open
open
to breathe
to give
to receive
the hearth
is made
to be open

the bad guy

there are so many bad guys in this film
too many
so one dimensional
there are so many sides corners widgets and parts that make up a person
why does this country subscribe to this potato chip "bad" guy?
why why why
it's easier to look down at someone?
to feel superior?
silly
really
isn't it?

morning pages in the evening

there is a lot to say. but so little to say at the same time. so much for fearmongering films. but then again a good escapist film really hits the spot every now and then ya know? yo? koji yakamoto rulz
rulz
rulz
rulz
i don't know just want to get started who cares if this is nothing really too important?

personal goals

pray 5 times per day (close to time)
meditate starting with 180 seconds per day
floss and brush 2 x's per day
physical activity (just get movin')
some kind of physical connection (pilates or yoga, etc)
read something inspiring like SARK or mary oliver or dr. judith orloff
of course those "vitamins""" wink wink wink
weekly ther. and psy when available
honor myself 2 x's per day
and the rest of the famz
start eating healthier; maybe 2 large meals per day and the rest fruit and veggies (but not militantly -- relaxed!!!!!!!!!!!)
something with the earth; tree; sunset;sunrise; whateveuhs
gratitude

passion goals/ personal goals

+++++ write 3 pages/day for universe parallel script
+++++ play around with guitar
+++++ researching for writing thoughts are things/invisible monster (bipolar)play
+++++ write a poem a day
+++++ morning pages
+++++ blog
***** write introduction for career karma

thinking positive thoughts

i'm grateful for snuggles
for my other half
for me
for SARK's web site
totally inspiring
for aya interrupting me with an avocado
like
hint
hint
can you open it????
please
she's so cute
she has curls
she's happy she's getting into everything
she's starting to entertain herself
these are things to be grateful for
starting to want a car
for the first time in a long
time
i really wanted to go to mosque today
it started drizzling when we started walking over
buggard
buggard
buggard
i ate too much pasta
pasta with tomme de savoie cheese (made from sheep's milk)
and spinach and cherry tomatoes, sprinkles of salt and pepper
yes
it was just as yummy as it reads
even more so
okay
i'm not being humble
i am overwhelmed
by my own feelings
i actually
cried
over the rain stopping us from going to mosque
kind
overreacting
it's just
i want inner peace
and i want it NOW damnit
i know i know
the presen moment
is free
it's in the breathing
i know
i know
in tow
out three
i'm feeling better already
seriously

seafood stage

i'm going through a seafood stage. i just can't seem to get enough of it. oh yes, i'm also going through a paranoid stage. any correlation? i dunno. DHA makes stay-at-home mothers paranoid.
i can see the headline now.
do we have headlines anymore?
anyway, yes, yes, a dear friend of mine, snuggle and i just got back from a very nice italian restaurant. we had fried seafood, delicious bread with incredible homemade tomato spicy sauce, and
duh-dun-duh-duh
drum roll for those who didn't get the reference
TIRAMISU
yes
tiramisu split three ways is the key point
i was surprised how much of the cream that snuggles ate.
impressive.
the server gave us three spoons.
cool.
snuggles needs some lovin.
i'm lookin' at her while writing.
she deserves all of my attention!

does anybody read the newspaper anymore?

just clicked on latimes.com
and started wondering
does anybody read the good 'ol fashioned newspaper anymore?
kinda like the dictionary.
some neighborhood kids were telling me they were "studying about" the dictionary.
but, they've never even seen one.
yes, my dear reader friend.
paper isn't gone.
but, our world has changed.
i'm grateful to be a digital immigrant.
grateful to know the world of looking things up in the phone book
enough
to appreciate the convenience of looking it up on the internet.
so be it
accepting it
loving it
loving

haven't posted in ages

dude.
it's been too long.
depression just kicked me in the ass.
BIG frickin time.
insurance is assigning me a clinical care manager.
babysitter for short.
but, good intentions of the health insurance.
they save money and i get and remain healthy.
not a bad idea.
they don't have to send me to the hospital (saves them cash).
and i get to face this illness.
life is good.
but, seriously, this anxiety -depression.
bipolar.
manic depressions type 1 type 2
whatever the heck i have.
i accept it.
i've faced it.
but every day i am reminded of it.
but today i accept it.
i want to be healthy
for myself
my other half
and for snuggles