it's been the people

for me
it's been the people
the conversations
the eyes locked
the laughing
sometimes
das atttituuuude
sometimes
the scolding
getting older
in a good way
'in a i didn't know i was aging because life has been treatin' me so good' way
life is good
baby is sleeping
twin flame is praying
i'm poeting
hmmm
so easy
just to think
think of the good things
the frogs
the capn crunch
TWO BOWLS
one after the other
no guilt
i really
frickin' enjoyed those two bowls
i wish for nothing this day
i've been given so much in this life
so much
i'm in love
the kind of love that makes people
feel it in their hearts, too
that's very special
very spiritual
but
yes
we fight
over silly
things
like
don't spend that much on raspberries
like
you said what?
to who?
are you wearing that?
yeah
those kinda fights
those kinda fights
that make it seem
like
when everything goes
right
like they are just
those
kind of fights
humduAllah
m'bruk ramadan
happy world
twirlings on its axis
around the sun
reflecting on the moon
hmmm
the stars are shining brightly
it's the city
so i kinda
envision them
but i always say hi
i know ya'll are there
the mooon
now
he's the outspoken one
itching my head
lately
then the baby does
it
and it cracks me up
life is like that
i wish i could share this happiness
with somebody who is going through
a deep, tough time
breathing
i'll take it
breathe it
feel the breeze
on a hot
end of the summer night
breeze from the balcony
technically
breeze from the south
from downtown
down to the south bay
wow
what's it like to live on the ocean?
right smack dab on the ocean?
wonderful
i imagine
you tube'd
daniel vitalis, http:www.elixircraft.com
very cool
i broke it to my twin flame that
i'd like to forage for spring water

how does the brain work?

sometimes i want to understand how the brain works
understand how my mind works
i want to understand myself
i want to understand the world
this interest has been with me my entire world
i'm happy to report i used to question God
constantly
constantly
mostly within my own mind
but
now
slowly
but
surely
i feel more of an awe
not understanding has become more of a respect for the intricacies of the timing of things
the divinity of timing
when the babies are born
when the trees gow
how the traffic flows
do you ever sit back
and just think
how does all of this work?
i though this recently
then
the stock market crashed
i felt it coming
i wouldn't say i predicted it
but our country building quick wealth while we were in a war
hmmm
not natural
it goes against the laws of mother nature
so much to learn
but i feel like i am me
i am a mother
isn't that crazy?
i feel insecure
but lately
i've been asserting myself
i think security and self worth
comes and goes
i think there are people who feel small and it spreads
i hope to be the person who feels good
and spreads the love

running contest

came in last some girl next to me sprinted the last few seconds
it
didn't bother me
i
literally
gave it my best

swimming

swimming dream
dreamed i was dreaming in the presidential (yes u.s. prez) pool
it was a 150
hmmm
what does that mean?

life

i want it when i want it
NO
yes
but i wannnnna it now
NOW
hands on hip
stomping right foot
mushing nose out in protest
wah
but really
we're looking back at my twin flame's old jobs
looking up old addresses
etc
and it's like
huh?
yeah, that was a little stressful
when the job layoff happened at about 8 months pregnant
but
hey
ya know
now
that job is just a familiar nostalgic phone #
that's how life goes
man
as i get older the less i stress

blackhole

the blackhole documentary on pbs was awesome last night
instilling wonder and awe
cool

green beach home

had a good dream right before i woke up. i didn't even realize that i was in a beach home. i saw a home in front of us and thought we were blocks from the beach. from a view i realized, oh my gosh, here we are. our home is practically beach front property. i have had a struggle with my career. i believe that this symbolizes being so close to the beach. the beach to me is freedom. relaxation. a good feeling. release of stress. no worries. fun. deep breathing. no plan. no responsiblity. it could also mean i'm already where i'm at. but, the "feeling" in the dream is that something big is about to happen.
i did leave the dream with a sense of gratitude for my husband, myself, and snuggles.

taking one day at a time

taking a break from working

i haven't been writing as much
a good friend explained to me
a performer has to take care of and morph their body to fit their character
hmmmmmmmmm
i haven't been taking good "enough" care of my mind
it has been sick
it's healing and almost as
i like to explain it...............
the souffle is cooked
it's that delicate the mind
but making a souffle
is something i want to do
i've read an article on someone who took a course on it
i've read the martha stewart recipe and wisdom behind it
but it seems soooooooo
hoity tooity
but it's not
i've made similar things
like the pavlova
i know who to whip the whites
sometimes i picture myself speaking in front of people
about mental illnesses
but
i've been aware of mine for about 20 years
i still find it a mysterious thing
ask anybody who is in research for it
we really are just scraping the surface
we can't operate on the mind
i'm getting behind myself
bye bye

andie/andy kauffman

zztop
jaquin phoenix
pretty clever
rerun of the view
i have no shame
i like the view
some of the time
other times
it seems like a disney promotional disease
not disease
i'm trying to say machine
sometimes
i feel overhwelmed with this illness
there's no doubt about it now
i now i have this ya know
severe mental illness going on
but
i choose to accept it on a daily basis
others
those normal people
they can't understand it
i think they're being supportive in their own way
but
aaah
idon't
i wish i was that lady winnin 25k on the room a day giveaway
that would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cool

trying to be positive
listening to my thoughts
clarified
centered
worried about snuggles
will the screaming end?
what the heck?
overwhelmed?
yikes
help me out
help a sister out
ah well

support

people
can be supportive
deportive
i know
i know
deportive isn't a word
but
i liked how it fit in
snuggles is ngapping
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
she is OUT
i mean
OUT
so cute
she is adorable

feel sooooooooooo much like me

wow
what a difference
i feel so much like me
lots of work went into this
lots of work
wow

gratitude

i am grateful
for my daughter
i am grateful
for my husband
i am grateful
for me
my growth
living in a place where it doesn't get so cold that it snows
i am grateful
for chocolate
i am grateful
for ice cream
i am grateful for
free gift certificates
i am grateful
for ya know
cool things
good music
great reads
gratefulness
shall i walk over and get us some gelato?
no
but
i am grateful
we live close
to a gelato place
i am grateful
for things being more peaceful
i am grateful
for that web site
that promotes
peacefulness
mediation
gratitude