using food to numb myself from the truth

....................mainstream news is corporate controlled and used to manipulate people's emotions. capitalism at its best? or worst?  i use food to numb myself from the truth. i use food to numb myself from emotions. i use food to deprive and celebrate and to wash away boredom and procrastinate. i am grateful it's not alcohol or something worse than that. buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, this is my spirit's choice for my body and my journey on earth. i have lost 20 of the 100 or so pounds i need to lose. i might have gained back a few, but, i've started to lose it again. i've noticed this pattern that i lose weight, gain back more. then, i made a plan to permanently lose weight...........but, i lost weight and gained back just a little bit more....not the "entire" amount that i, originally lost. it's improvement. but, i would love to lose weight and just go doooooooooooooooooown, doooooooooooown, doooooooooooown. but, i have added picturing myself at my goal weight and saying to myself five times a day, "i am losing my weight, i am losing this weight, i am losing my weight, i am losing this weight, i am losing my weight".

...i treat my weight gain at a deep level......i am in therapy........i get help...i am working on both my interior and exterior. i have to admit...i walked four and a half miles on the strand at the beach today. what a great feeling. then, i went biking with my daughter. greater feeling.
so proud :)